Tonight I walked into my house after a long day at work; bypassed the kitchen to the bedroom where I slipped out of my work clothes into something more comfortable. I walked over to the bar grabbed a bottle of Plymouth Gin and concocted myself a nice beverage. As I took a sip of my Aviation cocktail I stood there contemplating whether or not I should make dinner. I shrugged my shoulders and walked right over to my laptop. I put Iron & Wine on the Pandora station and before I knew it my Word application was open and my fingers began typing away. My mind was repressed and then I realized I had three pages filled with words and my cocktail was no more.

What brought me back to reality were the aches I felt in my stomach. It was almost as if I was punched in the gut and and the sensation traveled to my anus. My mouth became dry and it felt as though a sock was stuffed down my throat. My chest became heavy and I noticed that every inhale through my nostrils was cold as if I was standing outside on a frigid January night. I stared at the blinking cursor on my screen while I tried to pull it all together. I couldn’t depict if I was nervous, hurt, or longing for something or someone. It is an indescribable feeling, which is very odd you see, because I am all too familiar with this feeling. In fact I experience these symptoms almost every time I write. So you would think I could better describe what it is or where it comes from.

It drives me to make another cocktail in hopes that it would suppress my emotions, but no, the feelings stay and I continue typing away.

-Phelinne Levi

5 thoughts on “Indescribable

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